A step of Faith

A step of faith entails sometimes venturing forth into unknown territory, sometimes going through times of self-doubt, fear, anxiety along with excitement, joy and anticipation. My husband and I are on a new journey. Many people would think we are out of our minds but I can only say that were it not for the truth we have been shown, we wouldn't be walking this path. Let me clarify and explain. About a year ago we both read and amazing book called Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham. We were so powerfully moved by his writing and his open, honest style that brought us both to tears regarding many areas of our lives that we felt we had not been taught the truth. Specifically in regards to what our ideas were about how many children we should have. Well, like most adults in our age group, we had been taught that we should control how many children we have and when we have them. It should be a choice of convenience when the time is right and then when we feel like we have enough, we should do something to prevent any more. So in our ignorance, while pregnant with our fourth child we decided to have my husband get a vasectomy. I was feeling overwhelmed, stressed and absolutely done with child bearing. I didn't see how on earth I could possibly handle any more children in my life. I was looking at the here and now not into the future. I had just had a baby #3 who was 6 months old when I discovered I was expecting again. I was so overwhelmed! To be honest though, I had to laugh so I wouldn't cry. I thought here I go again, scheduling those monthly appointments with my midwife all over again. It had not been fun telling family and friends, "uh, we're expecting again." I was ridiculed at the church we were members of at the time. Comments like "Don't you know what causes that"? Then laughter. I was so tired of that inconsiderate attitude from church members that I was ready to say the next time I was asked that question "Yes, and its a lot of fun!" Maybe if I embarrassed them enough, they'd get a clue. I never voiced it though. I couldn't believe how heartless people are with their opinions of other's reproductive habits/choices. I also had a family member strongly encouraging us to have a vasectomy because we "can't afford anymore children." I was so resentful of this person also intruding into our personal reproductive and financial lives. Society tells us that children are too expensive and there is more stuff in life that we need and we can't have it if our homes are full of children to feed and clothe. Well, regardless, we went through with the procedure and felt like we were doing the right and responsible thing. I remember though in the middle of the surgery, thinking, I don't think we should do this. I wish I had spoken up, but too late, what's done is done. Back to present day, we read Family Driven Faith and realized that children are not a burden but a blessing.

Psalm 127:3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.

Psalm 127:5Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

There are many other scriptures throughout God's Word that describe children as a gift and blessing from God. They are never spoken of as a burden, or something that should be limited for any reason. So through much prayer, seeking Godly counsel and reading trusted resources and most of all the Bible, my husband and I felt like we needed to fix what we broke. Prior to this decision I had spent weeks quietly praying for my husband to make this decision. I know he understood what needed to be done, he was just hesitant to go through the surgery again. I can't blame him. It was so hard to not try to manipulate and get my way, when I wanted it, I just had to be patient and trust God's timing. Well, in the midst of this prayer journey, a new family came to visit our church. I walked up to them to welcome them and asked to hold their baby girl. She was so precious smiling at me and let me hold her. I mentioned that my daughter would want to take her home as she has wanted a sister for many years. I then said, unfortunately we took that decision out of God's hands. The couple spoke right up and shared their testimony with us about how God had done a work on their hearts regarding this same thing. The husband had also had a vasectomy but then later had it reversed. This was their first reversal baby. As I was standing there with tears in my eyes, my husband walked up and I said, can you share this story with him. They did and it was further confirmation that we were headed in the right direction. So a few weeks later, after discussing my husbands fears and reservations he agreed that we needed to make things right in order to be obedient to the Lord in this area of our lives. So I found an amazing Doctor who as a ministry performs reduced cost reversals. We headed 3 hours south a few weeks later and repaired what we broke almost 8 years ago. We are now hoping and praying that God will forgive us for our selfish and faithless choice and restore our bodies and bless us once again with babies. I only have about 5-7 years of reproductivity left, but I know God can do anything. We are so hopeful that we can conceive again, but above all else, desire to bring Him glory and honor and offer our bodies back to Him to do with as he pleases in our greatest act of obedience and take a step of faith.

A beginning

Well, as I sit with a warm cup of coffee and look at a blank slate, I will try to begin a new venture. Blogging is so popular but it is such an amazing way to share your thoughts, lessons learned and adventures with family and friends some known and some I haven't yet met. I will attempt to make it worth your while to take time out of your ever busy schedules to sit and read someone else's life happenings, but no promises. I am just a simple country girl with lots rattling around in this head of mine. I love writing because it helps me to sort out the mess in my head. There, I have a beginning. Kinda dorky I know, like those original sounding papers we had to write in school. "What I did this summer." But I figured if it starts out kinda lame, I can only improve from there right?

Well, I call myself a country girl, but at present I am trapped in the city. We sold our land and home we had on 15 acres about four years ago so we could move closer to our family and church. We tried to buy a house with smaller acreage, but wasted 2 weeks trying to get a price we liked and eventually felt like that wasn't where we were supposed to be, so we ended up desperately seeking something to fit our family into. My husband didn't want to rent so we found a new house that was ready for purchase and we bought it. We weren't crazy about living in town and I was even less crazy about the teeny tiny strip of grass that they called my backyard. I now pay ridiculous taxes for my slice of city living. Well, pizza delivery to my house is not worth the extra hassles I must deal with here. I am trying to be patient and wait on God to show us how long we must stay here or when/if we can move on. We love the location in our hometown and close to our church, but I just need some room to breathe and ability to go outside in my robe without scarring the neighborhood kids. I have had my eye on a house very close to my mom's house. It only has a little over 2 acres but that should be enough for 1 horse and a dozen chickens and a herd of dogs and cats. I need a rabbit too, heard their droppings make great homemade garden fertilizer! Well, anyway, I know the woman who owns this house and she has been trying to sell it for the past two years. Her and her husband divorced and she is ready to get the house sold and move on. I recently got up the nerve to ask her how low she could sell it if we didn't have to pay realtor's fees. Hoping she could lower it to our price range. She seems interested in talking and we are planning to go look at the inside in person in a few weeks. I'll be praying that if the Lord wants us to pursue this home then he'll give us some confirmation and allow us to sell our current home quickly(did I say quickly, sorry in God's good timing). ;) I hate selling a home. You are expected to keep it in museum quality condition. I happen to live in my house 24/7 with my four children and at times, up to 3 additional children that I currently babysit. This is not a practical condition for having a realtor call you with a 1 hour warning that they would like to show your house. My children are troopers though. They are all so anxious to move back to the country that they hop to it and kick into gear with super speedy cleaning detail. Though its hard for me, I want everything to be just right and "child clean" is not quite the same as "Mom clean", you mom's know what I mean. Ironically though, when we sold our home in Ennis, 15 acres and a 10 year old double wide, it was totally a God ordained thing, because the man who bought it saw it when I was gone with two of the older children and it was up to dear hubby to clean with 2 younger children (who were no help at all being toddler/preschool age) before the buyer came to see it. Well..."Husband clean" is in a category all by itself. Needless to say it was divine intervention because the house was the worst condition that it had ever been shown but the guy bought it anyway. He didn't even do an inspection! Well, I know God can move mountains to sell a house and the timing has to be right, so until it happens I will try to be patient and accept His will for us at this time. I can rest in Him, knowing He knows the desire of my heart and ultimately what's best for me. So, I shall see what the future holds. In the meantime, guess I'll start de-cluttering and packing up some of the toys that runneth over into all the places they shouldn't be.