A step of Faith

A step of faith entails sometimes venturing forth into unknown territory, sometimes going through times of self-doubt, fear, anxiety along with excitement, joy and anticipation. My husband and I are on a new journey. Many people would think we are out of our minds but I can only say that were it not for the truth we have been shown, we wouldn't be walking this path. Let me clarify and explain. About a year ago we both read and amazing book called Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham. We were so powerfully moved by his writing and his open, honest style that brought us both to tears regarding many areas of our lives that we felt we had not been taught the truth. Specifically in regards to what our ideas were about how many children we should have. Well, like most adults in our age group, we had been taught that we should control how many children we have and when we have them. It should be a choice of convenience when the time is right and then when we feel like we have enough, we should do something to prevent any more. So in our ignorance, while pregnant with our fourth child we decided to have my husband get a vasectomy. I was feeling overwhelmed, stressed and absolutely done with child bearing. I didn't see how on earth I could possibly handle any more children in my life. I was looking at the here and now not into the future. I had just had a baby #3 who was 6 months old when I discovered I was expecting again. I was so overwhelmed! To be honest though, I had to laugh so I wouldn't cry. I thought here I go again, scheduling those monthly appointments with my midwife all over again. It had not been fun telling family and friends, "uh, we're expecting again." I was ridiculed at the church we were members of at the time. Comments like "Don't you know what causes that"? Then laughter. I was so tired of that inconsiderate attitude from church members that I was ready to say the next time I was asked that question "Yes, and its a lot of fun!" Maybe if I embarrassed them enough, they'd get a clue. I never voiced it though. I couldn't believe how heartless people are with their opinions of other's reproductive habits/choices. I also had a family member strongly encouraging us to have a vasectomy because we "can't afford anymore children." I was so resentful of this person also intruding into our personal reproductive and financial lives. Society tells us that children are too expensive and there is more stuff in life that we need and we can't have it if our homes are full of children to feed and clothe. Well, regardless, we went through with the procedure and felt like we were doing the right and responsible thing. I remember though in the middle of the surgery, thinking, I don't think we should do this. I wish I had spoken up, but too late, what's done is done. Back to present day, we read Family Driven Faith and realized that children are not a burden but a blessing.

Psalm 127:3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.

Psalm 127:5Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

There are many other scriptures throughout God's Word that describe children as a gift and blessing from God. They are never spoken of as a burden, or something that should be limited for any reason. So through much prayer, seeking Godly counsel and reading trusted resources and most of all the Bible, my husband and I felt like we needed to fix what we broke. Prior to this decision I had spent weeks quietly praying for my husband to make this decision. I know he understood what needed to be done, he was just hesitant to go through the surgery again. I can't blame him. It was so hard to not try to manipulate and get my way, when I wanted it, I just had to be patient and trust God's timing. Well, in the midst of this prayer journey, a new family came to visit our church. I walked up to them to welcome them and asked to hold their baby girl. She was so precious smiling at me and let me hold her. I mentioned that my daughter would want to take her home as she has wanted a sister for many years. I then said, unfortunately we took that decision out of God's hands. The couple spoke right up and shared their testimony with us about how God had done a work on their hearts regarding this same thing. The husband had also had a vasectomy but then later had it reversed. This was their first reversal baby. As I was standing there with tears in my eyes, my husband walked up and I said, can you share this story with him. They did and it was further confirmation that we were headed in the right direction. So a few weeks later, after discussing my husbands fears and reservations he agreed that we needed to make things right in order to be obedient to the Lord in this area of our lives. So I found an amazing Doctor who as a ministry performs reduced cost reversals. We headed 3 hours south a few weeks later and repaired what we broke almost 8 years ago. We are now hoping and praying that God will forgive us for our selfish and faithless choice and restore our bodies and bless us once again with babies. I only have about 5-7 years of reproductivity left, but I know God can do anything. We are so hopeful that we can conceive again, but above all else, desire to bring Him glory and honor and offer our bodies back to Him to do with as he pleases in our greatest act of obedience and take a step of faith.