Waiting....possibilities!

We are all done with paperwork and in the waiting stage. Waiting to be matched to a prospective adoptable child or children. We have said we were open to a sibling group and any race is fine. We finally received a call about 2 weeks ago asking if we were interested in a sibling group of three. We said yes! Before this call though I had had a dream the night before that I was walking along a dark road and there were three little girls who were all alone. I was worried about them and in my dream couldn't decide if I should just scoop them all up and put them in my car or call the police or what but I knew they needed help. So when I got a call the next day about a sibling group of 3 I was so shocked and excited! I know that this doesn't mean this will all work out perfectly and we'll get to adopt this sibling group. I am trying not to get my hopes up. I have seen through several friend's experiences that it isn't as easy as that. I know that there will likely be many bumps along the road and many disappointments but overall I have to keep my eyes on the goal and the end desire is to glorify God in what He has called us to do and to faithfully trust Him for the results. It may not be as I imagine or dream about but it will be what He has planned and I am willing and ready to accept that.

There is limited amount that I can share about the trio as they are in the system and I am not at liberty to discuss them publicly but I think it is safe to say that there is one boy and two girls all close in age. They sound like they would be a good fit for our family and we would have so much fun with them. They are all under age 5 which is exactly what we were hoping for and two of the three are potty trained which my husband is happy for. I find myself thinking about them every day and wondering what they look like and how they behave, what are their likes and dislikes and if they could easily get to know and love us back. We are hopeful that their young ages would help them to overcome the trauma they have suffered in their lives and that we can help them to feel part of our loving family and give them the nurture and guidance they need to thrive.

My daughter was most interested in adopting and has prayed and prayed for a sister. She might end up with two. Recently my two younger boys have said they wanted a younger brother. They might get one. I am hopeful that these are the children that will become part of our family. If not, I will pray that God will place them in a good loving Christian home. I am anxious to hear if we are chosen as a possible match. I am not sure how many other files will be submitted along with ours or how much competition we will have, but it isn't about the numbers because big or small it doesn't matter. I trust God will do what He wants to do in the matter. In the meantime, we pray and wait and dream about the possibilities of how God will expand our family and what changes lay ahead. Trusting His will and His timing in all things.

The Home Study

Well, we finally got our home study done this past Tuesday. I had been calling the office last week trying to see if we had all our paperwork done because they schedule the home study as the last thing. (Because a lot of people give up mid the sheer mountain of paperwork and classes) It took a few days but finally I got through and on Monday I was able to get us scheduled for Tuesday morning. So Monday the kids and I deep cleaned the house! The house was in desperate need of a spring cleaning and a summer cleaning as well for that matter! We were very motivated to get it all done since we had our home study now scheduled for 9 am. We got it done and I think I only slept about 4 hours that night. I wasn't anxious or scared but excited that it was the last thing on our to-do list! It was so smooth and easy. The lady interviewing us was so friendly and easy to talk to. She asked Wes and I questions then the kids a few questions and then toured the house. She even hung out and chatted for a little while afterwards. She said she should have our report typed up and turned in by Friday or Monday. Since she was going out of town on vacation she was trying to get it done before she left. Now my understanding is that the report will have to be read and reviewed by 3 people in our adoption office and then we'll be put into the "system" for matching. We are finally getting excited now.

It kinda wears on you getting all the classes and paperwork done. I even find Satan has much fun with our doubts and fears. Even my kids behavior is especially naughty and selfish. I think when you are being obedient to the Lord and making efforts to do what is best for others Satan does his best to frustrate your plans and steer you away from godly thoughts and behavior. I have even struggled with selfish thoughts such as "am I crazy to do this to our family?", "will everyone be mad if this child(ren) have a hard time adjusting to our family?", "will our family decide we have lost it and totally disown us?" and "am I sacrificing quality time with my own biological children when I am distracted with a child who will need extra attention for awhile?"

I am grateful for God's Word and for wisdom given through friends who have walked this path and can lend encouragement about these common feelings and assurance that God desires our sanctification more than our comfort, our focus to be on Him not the world around us, our hearts to be His alone because anything else would be idol worshipping. My children (and their parents) need adversity to learn to trust God and they need to see how hard it is to have compassion and sacrifice for others. Life is not easy, we aren't promised a trouble free, prosperous life because we have Jesus. In fact we are warned that we will face much persecution. So I count the cost, I weigh the facts and and take a step of faith into the unknown darkness because I have a shining light of Christ to guide me even if I can't see the steps in front of me. I trust Him completely. I know this journey is just beginning. I look forward to a day in the future when I tell my adopted child(ren) what it was like to begin to seek after them and how fearful and frustrating it was, but that no matter what I trusted God would lead me and guide me and bring me safely where He wanted me to be. I am certain there will be trials, persecution, bumps in the road and a desire to abandon ship or run for the hills, but I will not give up, give in or turn away till Jesus takes me home!

Done!

I can jump for joy like Colton......>

We finally finished all our paperwork for the adoption agency. Whew! It was certainly a ton of stuff to do! It ain't cheap either mind you. It was all very time consuming as you can tell, it has been since April since I posted. I have concentrated on almost nothing else in my free time besides getting more paperwork checked off my list! Well a little quilting here and there for stress relief but still mostly devoted to this project. I especially dreaded reading books that were mandatory reading which I completely (for the most part) didn't agree with. Most of which was books on worldly humanistic secular psychology....blech! I have also been quite disappointed in our so called "christian" adoption agency. They have to teach some certain things as the state requires but they have much freedom in teaching other things from a Christian worldview. Especially the parenting classes. Wes intends to write a letter to the agency suggesting several resources that would be much more beneficial to the parents taking classes to learn Biblical parenting techniques. Many books and biblical counseling resources could be so much better utilized in equipping parents to raise children in a God centered home. We are praying for reform in the adoption system as a whole. So much of it is geared to telling these children that they are victims and will forever remain victims of their past and it is easy to see how they go from foster care system to welfare system. Our society needs major reform! Well I am grateful to be done with the paperwork. We are attending one last class tomorrow. It wasn't mandatory buy highly encouraged so we are going. We are waiting for them to schedule our home study and then we wait for a match. We are all getting excited but I also have some fears. I know Satan likes to plant seeds of doubt so I will do my best to remember that God is in control! I will post more on my state of mind in another post soon. For now I am Trusting, Trusting, Jesus my Savior in Thee!

A Giant Checklist

Well this past Saturday, we went to our first class for the adoption process. We were handed a very long, detailed checklist, a bunch of forms and a binder with tons of reading material and homework to do! We were told that some people are deterred from adoption just by the sheer amount of paperwork that must be gathered and footwork to be done. We will all need to schedule a physical and get a TB test and Wes and I will have to also do a drug test. We have to get all the pets a rabies shot and make lots of copies of important documents. I am trying to get as much done now as I can. I know it will take some time to gather some of the things but the more I can get knocked out now the better!

We also shared with our church family our desire to adopt and asked for prayer as we begin this journey. We will be needing lots of prayers all throughout this process I am sure. We are already praying for the child or children who will one day be ours. Our kids are excited too. Especially Emily. She has desired a sister for a long time. So we hopefully will be able to adopt a little sister and possibly more siblings if its the Lord's will.

Well keeping this one short and sweet. Will try to update more regularly. Thanks in advance for any and all prayers you can lift up on our behalf.

Children of mine

I absolutely love these children of mine.....

God has certainly blessed my husband and I with four beautiful children. They are each unique with individual strengths and weaknesses. I am sure that unlike many parents I have wavered in my ability to raise them properly and to give them all that they need in life. But I am reassured every time Satan whispers in my ear that I am a poor excuse for a mother, lazy, selfish, ill-tempered, harsh, uncaring ...the list goes on and on. I know that while in my flesh much of that is true of me, I am a sinner indeed. I can rest assured that my precious God is ultimately in charge of their lives not me. I have been given them for a time and I treasure each passing year that I have with them. I love my job of being a mother and teacher to them. It is the hardest job on earth, but also the most rewarding! I would never trade the loving hugs and kisses or snuggles on the couch and the twisting of my hair between little fingers. No job could ever compare with those benefits. I often feel inadequate to give them all that they need, but thankfully it isn't all up to me. They belong to the Lord and I trust Him to equip them with all they need in life.

We have been trying to conceive for a little over a year now with one very short pregnancy ending in miscarry. I have learned much this past year. I know that while at times of my life I have been extremely fertile, that I can't expect that to always be so. I ultimately know that my conceiving isn't only up to me and my husband but all life comes from the Author of Life. I have learned that I must patiently wait upon my Lord. If he so chooses to bless me with another child I will gladly rejoice, if He doesn't I will still rejoice in the gifts I have already been given. I have also seen how God has blessed me with dear friends whom entrust me to help with caring for their children. I have been grateful to help another young mother in my church this year as I babysit her toddler and infant from time to time. I am grateful to be able to assist and love this sweet family. We love children. My children love children. I am so grateful for this. My daughter has also had to learn to pray and wait on the Lord. She frequently asks when we will be able to adopt a sister for her. She wants a sister desperately and has quit asking me every month if I could be pregnant this time. She is anxious to add to our family as is my husband and I. My 16 year old son is great with kids. They are drawn to him and engage him and he sweetly plays with them and becomes their friends. He has a new pal at church a 4 year old little guy has just bonded with Robbie and he searches him out when we are gathered at church. Robbie picks him up and chats with him. It is such a blessing to see a young man interested in little ones. I know he will be a great father one day.

Wes and I have talked off and on through the years about adopting children. Many years ago we saw a documentary on TV about orphans in Russia, little babies left in beds for months and years with very little touch or understanding of love. That broke our hearts and we spoke about the possibility of adopting one day. We have many friends who have adopted for various reasons but every time I considered looking into it seriously, I became discouraged because of the finances required. We have been working hard to pay off our debts. We aren't done yet, but getting closer each year. We certainly don't have money set aside for adoption. We would end up thinking, well if God wants this to happen, we'll have the money for it someday. I have another friend who contacted me recently asking me if I could ever adopt. This got me to thinking seriously about it again and I began praying about it and talking to Wes. (To his credit he was ready to adopt a year ago when we were undergoing his vasectomy reversal.) I just wasn't ready to pursue it just yet. As I began praying and researching. God kept showing me that this was something to seriously pursue. I spoke with several who adopted about their experiences and gathered data. I also spoke in depth with a friend who adopted almost a year ago. She assured me that I would have doubts all throughout the process but that ultimately God laid this on my heart for a purpose and would see me through. I began researching agencies and types of adoptions and as we prayed about it and talked through details, we feel like at this time the best route for us to pursue is local adoption through the state CPS system. They have a program called foster to adopt in which you are matched with a child and upon your agreement that child comes into your home and after 6 months the adoption is finalized. Many children in the state are considered special needs but this doesn't always mean that they have severe disabilities. They may wear glasses or simply be a minority. The state offers very low cost adoptions in these cases. My friend's adoption entailed very minimal cost. She has a beautiful loving little girl. She has been a great encouragement to me as I dip my feet into these unknown waters. She has been a great source of information to get me started on my journey. I am so grateful for her guidance and prayers. We are also reading a book together called "Adopted for Life" by Russell D. Moore. It not only gives great information to those interested in adoption but links with it the picture of our spiritual adoption in Christ. This is a great motivation for us as we pursue adoption. We are also hoping and praying that others in our church will be motivated to pray about adoption as well if we are able to successfully adopt at a low cost. Financial issues are a big reason that many don't pursue adoption. If churches would follow the mandate to care for orphans and widows, there would be a lesser need for foster homes and orphanages. I know that all are not called to adopt. I also know that our personal adoption criteria is fairly narrow. We don't feel called to adopt a severely special needs child at this time, for fear of that child's care drawing us away from the responsibilities we have to our current children. We also don't wish to adopt a child who is school age or older. Since we are homeschooling, this would mean that a child in our home during the 6 months prior to adoption being finalized would have to go to a public school. I don't think this would encourage family bonding to have to send them away for this amount of time. So I know that we are looking at a narrow selection and this may mean that it will take a very long time to be matched to a child. I am in no hurry and I know that if God is leading us to adopt, that He will match us to the perfect child for our family and in the perfect timing. I will wait patiently on the Lord and put my trust in Him. In the mean time, I will pray for these children of mine, those in my home and those who will be one day. I pray for that child or children who will become a part of our family forever. I pray God protects them and comforts them until they can be in our arms.