The Home Study

Well, we finally got our home study done this past Tuesday. I had been calling the office last week trying to see if we had all our paperwork done because they schedule the home study as the last thing. (Because a lot of people give up mid the sheer mountain of paperwork and classes) It took a few days but finally I got through and on Monday I was able to get us scheduled for Tuesday morning. So Monday the kids and I deep cleaned the house! The house was in desperate need of a spring cleaning and a summer cleaning as well for that matter! We were very motivated to get it all done since we had our home study now scheduled for 9 am. We got it done and I think I only slept about 4 hours that night. I wasn't anxious or scared but excited that it was the last thing on our to-do list! It was so smooth and easy. The lady interviewing us was so friendly and easy to talk to. She asked Wes and I questions then the kids a few questions and then toured the house. She even hung out and chatted for a little while afterwards. She said she should have our report typed up and turned in by Friday or Monday. Since she was going out of town on vacation she was trying to get it done before she left. Now my understanding is that the report will have to be read and reviewed by 3 people in our adoption office and then we'll be put into the "system" for matching. We are finally getting excited now.

It kinda wears on you getting all the classes and paperwork done. I even find Satan has much fun with our doubts and fears. Even my kids behavior is especially naughty and selfish. I think when you are being obedient to the Lord and making efforts to do what is best for others Satan does his best to frustrate your plans and steer you away from godly thoughts and behavior. I have even struggled with selfish thoughts such as "am I crazy to do this to our family?", "will everyone be mad if this child(ren) have a hard time adjusting to our family?", "will our family decide we have lost it and totally disown us?" and "am I sacrificing quality time with my own biological children when I am distracted with a child who will need extra attention for awhile?"

I am grateful for God's Word and for wisdom given through friends who have walked this path and can lend encouragement about these common feelings and assurance that God desires our sanctification more than our comfort, our focus to be on Him not the world around us, our hearts to be His alone because anything else would be idol worshipping. My children (and their parents) need adversity to learn to trust God and they need to see how hard it is to have compassion and sacrifice for others. Life is not easy, we aren't promised a trouble free, prosperous life because we have Jesus. In fact we are warned that we will face much persecution. So I count the cost, I weigh the facts and and take a step of faith into the unknown darkness because I have a shining light of Christ to guide me even if I can't see the steps in front of me. I trust Him completely. I know this journey is just beginning. I look forward to a day in the future when I tell my adopted child(ren) what it was like to begin to seek after them and how fearful and frustrating it was, but that no matter what I trusted God would lead me and guide me and bring me safely where He wanted me to be. I am certain there will be trials, persecution, bumps in the road and a desire to abandon ship or run for the hills, but I will not give up, give in or turn away till Jesus takes me home!