I'll need to back up a bit to October/November. We had our first official family vacation. I am sorry to say that my oldest child is 16 years old and never been on a family vacation. However, since we bought our RV we were so excited to go. We took it to Fort Parker for our church campout and left from there to go to Fredericksburg, TX. We spent a week there and had a lot of fun. We ate lots of fun food from fudge to Ruben sandwiches to other German delicacies and the best pizza ever! We enjoyed learning about the town and the rich German heritage. Wes and I both have German background so it was fun learning about this area settled by German imigrants. We toured some history museums regarding Pacific War era and Admiral Nimitz as well as historical farms still being worked and lived on today as they were many years ago. We walked a lot around the main part of town, shopped a bit (pricey on the souveniers there) Had fun at Longhorn Caverns and hiked (everyone but Mom who chickened out on the first slope) Enchanted Rock. Well, we had a wonderful time as a family and enjoyed our time together and so thankful for this time before our lives changed in a big way.
We got home and the following week got a call on Monday about two children who we were being considered for as adoptive parents. We were told about them and asked if it sounded like we would be interested in them and we said yes. That night I couldn't sleep and got out of bed and prayed for these children that if they were supposed to be ours that the process would move easily and we would have confirmation. I was also browsing baby naming websites to look for names and meanings. I wanted to choose special names that had special meanings for these children if they were going to be ours. I came across the name Eliana (elle-ee-ah-na) which means God has answered. I thought we have been praying for more children to be added to our family and especially for those whom we would adopt. God has answered this prayer. I also liked Jonathan which means God has given or God's gift. We were called back on Tuesday and told that we were the family selected by the CPS worker to adopt them. We were then scheduled to meet them on Thursday afternoon. I was so nervous and excited that I didn't sleep much as I was anticipating what they would be like, look like etc. So we were ready to go and see them on Thursday. I was praying as Wes was driving that I would know when I saw them if they were "our children". We went to the foster home and the foster mom got the kids up from their nap. She first brought out R. He was so handsome and had the sweetest smile and bald head. He just crawled over to us and we sat on the floor to play with him. He crawled right up to Wes and kissed him. It was precious, I almost cried right then and there. He looked like a Jonathan I was getting excited! The foster mom then brought out K. As soon as I saw her I thought she looks just like Eliana! She was so pretty. She had blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. She was a bit slow to wake up and shy to talk to us. But eventually she would talk to us and interact. She had lots of energy and we were told about her "issues". They label all children removed from their homes because they all have some sort of "damage". I just refused to believe that this was all there was to this child and I would see for myself what transformation God could make in her. We were asked if we would like to have them for a weekend visit. I said that I could pick them up the following day on Friday morning. Are you beginning to understand why I am calling this a whirlwind? Well, sadly again, I didn't sleep the night before the visit. I was also babysitting my niece that day and was feeling a bit overwhelmed. By Saturday, I was a zombie and didn't get out of my nightgown all day. Wes tried to relieve me and let me sleep but my mind just wouldn't shut off and let me rest. I only slept a few hours Saturday night, but I really wanted to go to church. We skipped Sunday school but went to worship and out to eat lunch with the Woods. The kids actually behaved fairly well in church. I was just pretty exhausted. The kids did well for the most part all weekend, but I was just being attacked mentally because of my lack of sleep. Satan kept shooting arrows of doubt into my mind as I struggled to make sense of what was going on. I kept saying to myself that I can't handle this, I want my life back, I don't want to change my schedule like this, I'll be tied down to the house again, I won't have my freedom...etc. etc. Satan knew how to attack me. All my selfish wants were placed in the forefront of my mind. I couldn't shut my racing thoughts off to sleep and I was frightened by my lack of self-control. I knew better. I knew God called us to do this and He could equip us to do this, but my mind was out of control. Thankfully, I was able to honestly share this with several members of my church family who sweetly asked me how I was doing. I could share my burden with them and they began praying for us and me. I don't think I could have made it through without those prayers of the Saints! Especially the Wood family who completely understood what I was feeling and going through. They brought us meals and prayed with us and for us and encouraged us in an amazing way. They encouraged the entire church to pray for us as Satan wanted nothing more than to discourage us at this time. We took the kids back to the foster home and waited to find out the date they were to move in with us. The foster mom was anxious to have them moved, especially before the holidays I think. However, paperwork had to be done and it wasn't until November 28th that they were able to come home. That day they brought them to us. I told Eliana her new name and what it meant and that she was a pretty girl who needed a pretty name with a special meaning. She seemed to like it right away. I was also told that an aunt was interested in getting Ellie. I was disappointed by this news but also knew that I had to trust God in all circumstances. I once again became sleep deprived for the first several weeks. I had to finally get some melatonin to help me get to sleep when I woke up at 2 or 3 in the morning and my mind wouldn't shut off. It helped and after I adjusted to getting 7 hours of sleep a night instead of 8 or 9 like I was used to, things started to smooth out. Precious friends prayed for me, brought us meals and encouraged me through the Word and understanding what I was going through. I picked up my Bible and tried to read everyday. I was finally encouraged in the Psalms 22-25. I felt like God had abandoned me when I prayed and Wes prayed and others prayed for me to sleep, yet sleep didn't come. Wes prayed over me every night. I was encouraged by a friend to stay in the Word. I did and battled and God finally brought me relief, little by little, I got more sleep, got into a routine and knew that it was going to be ok.
Here we are now almost 7 weeks later and it has definitely been a whirlwind. We tried to share a room with Eliana and Emily but were not able to because Ellie wakes up in the night occasionally and talks in her sleep. Emily was not getting sleep either and I needed her help a lot in those first weeks especially. So we moved her into the game room with Jonathan and my friend helped me string up sheets to make two walls of a bedroom in the gameroom. Then we had to figure out how to get them to sleep without waking each other up. How to do naps, a general schedule of feeding and sleeping. Jonathan is such an easy going baby. Easier than any of our own biological children. He eats well, sleeps well, plays well and has the happiest disposition. We call him baby-smiles-a-lot. He is fun to watch learn and grow. He is doing something new every week. With Eliana we have a lot of training to do regarding sitting quietly in church, obeying rules, having self-control and being respectful. Ellie also has issues with personal space, wanting to get right up in people's space or touch their clothes or jewelry. We have much to work on but we are seeing improvement. I know it will be a long road but we know God has brought these children to us to care for and He will equip us with what we need to do the job. We aren't good at this by any means. They test our patience and frustrate us but we are also called Mommy and Daddy and get hugs and kisses and I love yous. Even as I type this post, Eliana has had the longest time out yet because she chooses to disobey rather than obey the rules. I know many long days are ahead but I trust that God can produce fruit one day if that is His will and I will do the best I can to glorify God in this new leg of my earthly journey. Our thoughts about adoption after reading Russell Moore's book "Adopted for life" helped us realize that nothing on this earth will last. All will fade and burn one day but only souls go on forever. What better investment can we make with our lives than in the lives of others. Desiring to raise children for God's glory. I can't make this child believe, but I can provide a home and atmosphere where the gospel is heard and God can move in the hearts of these children if He so chooses to make them His own children adopted into His family.
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